I am a type of person who always made impulsive decisions without realising what will follow up, even though the decision is right and necessary. Shall I be more cautious? Would I learn? Maybe not, I still have an impulsive nature. That will never change.

Since I made that impulsive decision in May (or June? can't remember now), my world started turning inside out. I didn't realise it until now. It was not just an one-off event, but a life-long task. Of course it is easier said than done, but I haven't regretted. I just need some time to think over what I should do right now (or what I can do actually?). Whether or not I am ready for it, my decision will never change. Putting this aside for a minute and looking at myself, I, however, found that this decision has pushed me from one stage through to another, and I am not ready yet. The next stage is unknown and the unknown is always intimidating. I have to, to some degree, give up 'freedom', which is never easy to let go, and 'that circle of friends' and for even more, part of my life. Have I made it sounding a loss? Rat! I did not mean that.

In fact, I am happy to make a change and move from this stage to the next. But you know, we always mourn for the things we lost, and moan about things we never get. Please allow me to take time to get over my moans and mournings of what I will lose in the near future. I am not ready yet, now, but I will, soon.

I wonder how people cope with the life stages changing? How come it sounds like I am crap at dealing with it? I am always strong, ain't I? I have recently become so vulnerable and cried for no reason, well, sometimes for the poor little creature. Sigh..... what's wrong with me? Get yourself together!

I will. I hope. soon. very soon.
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